


Borderlines

by Jackyyy_V



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Being Lost, Borderline Personality Disorder, M/M, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Thought Projection, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackyyy_V/pseuds/Jackyyy_V
Summary: On the edge of a rooftop the world seems different
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho
Kudos: 10





	Borderlines

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting something here.  
> I still try to figure out how this works.

Only one small step lay between Hoseok and the abyss. Just one small misplaced step and he would tumble down the 30 story building. 

It was the thrill that Hoseok always seems to seek. Always wanting to experience life threatening situations. To feel the fear.  
To test his own boundaries. 

It's not that he wants to die per se. But he needed something to feel alive.  
And it happened so that everything that might kill him makes him feel busting with life. 

Last weeks nights he explored the train tracks in the outskirts of Seoul.  
The adrenaline rush was perfect when Hoseok jumped out of a trains way just in time not to get hit. 

But he has to be more careful. The other Members can't know about his suicidal habits 

Hyungwon was the first one to get suspicious of Hoseoks absence during the night hours.  
As he asked the other members if they know where Hoseok goes, they first really realised his constant absence. 

While Jooheon and Changkyun speculated about Hoseok having a girlfriend, Kihyun and Minhyuk were pretty sure that he was out in some shady nightclub smoking weed and getting high. 

Hyunwoo just said that if something serious was up with Hoseok he would seek advice from one of them sooner or later.  
Hyungwon was sceptical but he didn't want Hoseok to feel supervised or pressured. So he let him be. 

If Hyungwon knew that Hoseok was balancing on top of a 30 story building he wouldn't think that way.  
Hell, he would do everything possible to get Hoseok back to safety. Preferably in his bed under a shared blanket. Placed securely in his embrace. 

But Hyungwon didn't know and Hoseok wouldn't tell.   
He kept his secret... well, a secret. 

The night was cold and up on the roof the air was icy. Hoseok closed his eyes and just enjoyed the wind messing up his blonde hair. 

The busting sounds of Seouls night traffic was just white noise in the back of his head. The flashing lights just there to mock the stars in the sky. 

Just one step to the left and everything would finally be over. No pressure. No manager or CEO telling him how to look, how to behave or what to say.  
No more hate from nameless faces on the internet telling him to leave the group or to just die.  
The desire to feel nothing at all grew inside his heart. A strange pain inside his chest, when he thinks about ending his life right now and then. 

Slowly Hoseok opened his eyes and looked straight into the abyss. His heart felt like busting out of his chest. His acrophobia fuelling the adrenaline. The thrill was incredible.  
Incredible good.  
And exactly what he needed right now. 

The vibrations of his phone caught him completely off guard and almost sent him tumbling down the building. 

Hoseok took two huge steps away from the edge. Still hight on adrenaline he pulled his phone out from his backpocket, checking his display. ▪︎One New Message From HYUNGWON▪︎ 

"Where are you?", was all it said.  
Hoseok thought about ignoring the text, but he couldn't bring himself to not answer his best friend. 

W: Why?  
W: Miss me? 😏  
H: 🙄  
H: No... seriously. Where the fuck r u?  
W: Y's that important?  
H: Why don't you just tell me then??  
H: Or are you up to somethin' stupid? 

The blonde didn't know what to answer. It never really bothered anyone where he went and what he did there. At least not to the extent that they tried to contact him and straight up asked him. 

A few minutes pass as Hoseok is stuck in his head. Thinking about possible answers. He is only then ripped out of his wandering thoughts when his phone vibrates in his hands again. 

H: Hoseok?  
H: Where  
H: Are  
H: You  
H: ?  
W: Don't think about it.  
W: I'll be back soon. 

Without waiting for an answer Hoseok put his phone on airplane mode and shoved it back in his jeanspocket.  
With one jump Hoseok landed right at the edge. He felt free. This was easy for him.  
Hoseok started to carelessly balance on the line of life and death again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this short word vomit :)


End file.
